Monday, October 25, 2010

Baker Illequipped for life of Affluence and Full-Time Alcoholism Dies Without Shit-Eating Grin and Muffin-Headed Wife

Keith Gough, 58, of Bridgnorth, England was a popular baker who only drank wine with meals until he won 9 million Euros in the lottery. He bought the prerequisite luxury automobiles, horses and homes, then went on the familiar path of drinking out of boredom. He died of a heart attack brought on by excessive drinking and stress, and no doubt paranoia after being swindled out of 700,00 Euros by financial hucksters. He separated from his wife of 27 years just 2 years after winning the lottery. The father of two left behind an estate of 780,000 Euros. In the end, he longed for his old life when he simply had to watch yeast rise all day, telling reporters last year, "When I see someone going in to a newsagent, I advise them not to buy a lottery ticket."

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