Irene Hits Pierced Vagina Tree

Strong winds struck McCarren Park where many a stoned hipster has looked up from the grass and said, "Hey, that tree looks like a vagina." The storm has taken a great conversation piece as she was known to don a labial piercing when she was feeling naughty.  Luckily, park goers can still remark on the abundance of human feces near the sprinklers.

The Calm Before the Storm

Clear sunny skies as Battery Park City residents scramble for higher ground under mandatory evacuation for Hurricane Irene.

Brooklynites hogtie their patio furniture so it won't blow away on the fringe of the evacuation zone near the waterfront.

Only in Lufkin, Texas

While having a contest to see who could hold their breath longer in a creek, a homeless man "accidentally held the woman's head under water too long. He then allegedly dragged her body to a nearby mattress, drank some beer and fell asleep next to her."

Overseas Titles for the Sitcom "Diff'rent Strokes"

• Spain: "Arnold"
• Venezuela: "Arnold the Mischievous One"
• Argentina: "Black and White"
• Italy "Harlem v. Manhattan"
• Brazil: "My Family is a Mess"
• Japan: "Little Boy Arnold is Popular"
• Thailand: "The Funny Midget"

Sacred Hearts & St. Stephen Church on Summit Street

Trailer Park on the Brooklyn Waterfront

For at least a month now, there has been an inconspicuous little trailer parked at the end of Union Street on Van Brunt across the street from WORK gallery.  The door is cropped open and there's a small Parks Department sign inside. Square skylights have been cut into the roof to let rain water in.  Yes, you can go inside.  It is a portable public park. It was designed as an art piece by Kim Hollerman and has been on display at various locations since 2006.  There are two benches inside and two stone planters filled with low light foliage.  Have a seat and enjoy the odd delight of something you probably never imagined seeing in South Brooklyn.  Hopefully, it won't get towed away soon.

Even though it is a park, it's still parked illegally, so naturally the DOT gave it a ticket.     

NY Times Criticizes Brooklyn Writer Using Metaphors About Pricey Manhattan Restaurants

In one of the weaker take-downs in recent literary history, Dwight Garner of the Times ambivalently reviews "Literary Brooklyn" by Evan Hughes.  While praising its collection of quotations by Brooklyn writers, Garner digs on the use of cliches. 

"In this book roosts are ruled, towns are painted red, people move in droves, ruckuses are raised, stripes are earned. I hate to sound like a stuffed boar, but these things — like missed notes in a piano recital or bones in the monkfish at Le Bernardin — matter. It was the job of Mr. Hughes’s editor, or his friends, to help him weed out these hobbling bits. They’re close to a deal killer."

It's probably the first time someone criticized trite language with trite language and bragged about where they ate dinner.  In Brooklyn it would be like showing up to knife fight with valet ticket from Peter Luger's.

"Planking" Replaced by "Horsemaning" According to Bored British Journalists

Old Internet Trend: Lying still in imitation of a stiff, lifeless plank

New Internet Trend: Lying still with a friend so you appear headless

The term "horsemaning," often spelled horsemanning, comes from the headless horseman in Washington Irving's The Legend of Sleepy Hollow.  Though slightly more creative than planking, horsemaning will surely become ever present on social media sites before the inevitable tragedy.

Amateur Dermatologist Ejected from Fine-Dining Establishment for Self-Practicing

Owen Lemire Kato, 23, was popping pimples on his back near the entrance to a McDonald's in Cape Coral, Florida.  Disgusted patrons complained and the police were called.  Kato gave chase and was eventually tackled.  Police found a syringe for injecting Oxycontin in his pocket.  What does this guy say when his cellmate asks, "What are you in for?"

Lazarus Goes Boogie-Boarding

Last Friday, Dale Ostrander, age 12, was swept away by a riptide while boogie-boarding off the coast of Washington.  Rescuers pulled his lifeless body out of the water 15 minutes later.  He was dead for at least 20 minutes before he regained a pulse on the way to the hospital.  On Sunday night, he was eased off sedatives and spoke in complete sentences.

Bruno Bar Opening

The brown paper is off the windows at 520 Henry Street and there is a sign on the door saying they will be open next week.  The space is much improved from its previous incarnations: the perpetually renovated Marius Cafe and the often line clogged Everything Bagel.  Bruno Bar's immaculate decor features a nice marble bar in the front with dark wood paneling. In the back, there are cozy circular leather booths and bright tiled walls.  If nothing else, the owners have atleast acheived a better use of space than their predecessors.  We look forward to seeing the menu soon.