Quote of the Day

"I thought that lady was dead.  Did that lady say I did something to her?  I have the right to remain silent."

1984 Technology Soon Available in Stores




During the Opening Ceremony of the 1984 Summer Olympics in Los Angeles, crowds were dazzled by the entrance of Rocketman. 

The flight lasted less than 20 seconds and he never rose more than 30 feet above the ground.  Still, everyone was assured that they'd be trading in their cars to commute to work via their very own jetpack by the following year.   

Now 27 years later, the Martin Aircraft Company has introduced a much-bulkier, gasoline-powered prototype of two giant leaf blowers strapped to an irresponsible man.

The Matin Jetpack will become available to the general public in 2012.  It can reach altitudes of 5,000 feet and fly for about 30 minutes.  It will set you back somewhere in the neighborhood of $100k, and likely decrease your life expectancy to about a week.

Plane of Future to Have See-Through Cabin, Still No Parachutes

Airbus unveiled their concept design of a white-knuckle flier's nightmare.  The plane of 2050 will serve passengers who prefer gazing at the stars over bringing carry-on baggage.

Civil Servant Marries Dragon in Scotland

Actually, it's a woman with 7,000 piercings and green paint on her skin, but if you're a civil servant you could do worse.  There are scarier pics here.

Millions of Starving Artists Given Compelling Reason for Suicide

Four-year-old Aelita Andre has had her second show at a Chelsea gallery (her first show was when she was one year old).  She has sold $30,000 worth of paintings in what critics call an "accidentalism" style.  If only you could forget everything you learned during art school and all those years you spent honing you craft.  Then maybe you could splash paint on a canvas like a four-year old. 

Flaming Faucets Could Be Coming to Brooklyn

New York Attorney General Eric T. Schneiderman filed a suit against the federal government to halt the issuing of final rules on the controversial fracking technique until a study is complete.  The method of extracting natural gas from the ground uses a ton of chemicals that gas company officials admitted were hazardous in the documentary "Gasland." In numerous cases, wells have transformed nearby residents' sinks into fireplaces. 

The Army Corps of Engineers has previously stated that "the federal law requiring an environmental study does not apply to the commission because the regional body is not a federal agency," which is kind of like saying the laws against criminals don't apply to me because I'm not a criminal.

The Delaware River Basin has been called "the Saudi Arabia of natural gas."  It also includes part of New York's watershed from which NYC drinking water comes. All they have to do is get some bottled water company to send in its lobbyists in exchange for lucrative contracts and we'll be barbequing in our bathrooms by next year.    

Archaeologists of Future to Unearth Evidence That We Were All Sex-Crazed Nature Lovers

This weekend, volunteers went into the woods of Prospect Park to clean up garbage. "According to the volunteers’ estimates, upward of 2,000 condom wrappers and 600 condoms," were found.

This begs the question: what happened to the other 1,400 condoms that were unwrapped on the premises? Did they deteriorate faster than their packaging? Or did they leave with their users? I'm sure the archaeologists of the future will have some interesting theories?

"Despite the remains of many nearby dwellings," a lecture of the future might begin,  "it was common practice in this culture to go into park lands to fornicate.  The woods were so crowded, people often intruded upon one another and startled participants fled mid act."