Homeless Robinhood Strikes in Tampa

After relieving the dreaded king of Wachovia of his riches, he mounted his trusty steed, the HARTline public transit bus, whereupon he gave the good people of Tampa their share of the bounty. The Merry Men were not with him.  Perhaps they remained at the Sherwood shelter.

Recession Continues, 8-Year Old Only Gets $3 for 9-mm Handgun

"How was school today?" asked a mother in Flushing, Queens.

"Look at the deal I got on this gun," replied her 8-year-old son.

The young arms dealer who sold him the gun and his 56-year old father were both charged with criminal weapons possesion, and now everyone has a "remember-that-time" story for the ages.

Christ Has Risen!

Bartender Plays Ping Pong for Teeth

On Saturday, April 15, Jamie, the bartender at B61 on Columbia Street, will be playing ping pong for 15 straight hours to raise money for new teeth, replacements for ones lost when he was hit by a drunk driver.  You can sponsor him by the hour or pay to play him.  He needs to raise $35K.  There is also a paypal account set up.   

B61 (below Alma restaurant)
187 Columbia Street (corner of Degraw St.), Brooklyn, NY

Laughable Links

• Athiests now have a bible.  It's all downhill from here.

• At Applebee's, it's possible to get tequila shots for the cost of apple juice. 
• Schoolboy expelled for Mangum P.I.-itis.

Writer Sends Rejection Letters to Literary Agents

One of our readers, fed up with receiving form rejection letters from literary agents, has taken to sending his own rejection letters to the agents: 
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RECEIVED:
Dear Writer,
Thank you so much for writing me about your project. I read and consider each query carefully and, while yours is not exactly what I am looking for, I would certainly encourage you to keep trying. I know your work is important to you and I am grateful that you wrote to me.
All best,
[redacted]

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RESPONSE:
Dear Agent,
Thank you for sending me your standard response and, while I appreciate your ability to copy and paste, your form letter is not what I am looking for in the way of feedback. It may seem sincere to you, and I would certainly encourage you to keep sending it to other writers, but I cannot accept it at this time.
Best,
Writer
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We spoke with the writer about his reasons for counter-rejecting those who have rejected him, and he had this to say:

"I kind of feel like the agents are all sitting on their cookbooks and vampire novels and nobody's taking on new clients.  They probably read queries looking for an excuse to reject them instead of with an ear for what might be good. If you've got anything quirky in your pitch, you don't stand a chance. Self publishing is sure to push them out of the picture eventually. In the meantime, I feel it's only right to bring them down to earth a little and give them a dose of their own medicine.  Maybe it's childish, but it gives me a laugh. You can't take yourself too seriously. That's the only way to make it through all the rejection and keep writing at the same time."

We applaud the writer's coping technique and have adopted it by preemptively rejecting all possible bearers of bad news, from mortgage brokers to members of the opposite sex.  And if the deli on 2nd Avenue that was out of chicken noodle soup this afternoon is reading this, we reject YOU.