Most Interesting Man in the World Died

Accomplishments included:

-Crossing the Atlantic on a barge made of garbage

-Frontman for traveling band Flying Neutrinos

-Former Vietnam War correspondent

-Enrolled in a seminary

-Spent time with Allen Ginsberg

-Founded the "first church in the world that didn't know the way"

-Lived in a raft moored off Lower Manhattan

-Founded a political party based on eye contact, courtesy and due process

-Professional preacher, gambler and sign painter

William Pearlman (aka Poppa Neutrino), 77, died with $4.44 in his pocket, a novel in the works and plans to sail to Cuba, then perhaps to India to rescue orphaned street children.

Mexicans Use Advanced Technology to Sneak Medicinal Herbs into Puritan Country with Archaic Drug Laws

The border patrol police, perhaps with the aid of the Sheriff of Nottingham, foiled drug smugglers' plan to catapult 4-pound packages of marijuana across the Arizona-Mexico border.

A remote video surveillance system captured the perpertators loading the medieval device. Isn't that like bringing a laser to a knife fight?

Mexican officials were alerted and recovered 35 pounds of marijuana. The Band of Merry Men evaded capture.

In the Future Rich People to Sleep in Hand of God

A Greek architect, who probably masturbates too much and has an obsession with hands, rendered a house on a serving tray as a portrait of LA's "infrastructural crisis, impending disaster and celebrity paranoia."

If this is what rich people's houses are going to look like, I wonder what poor people's houses will look like, otherwise known as the asshole of God.

Fun Facts

• The digital funeral has arrived. Password-protected services available.
  


• Washington state is the US capital of bestiality.
  


• It is possible to get kicked off facebook for having the same name as a celebrity. Also British people use the word "gobsmacked."
  
  
• Ex-wrestler thinks crotch-grabbing body slams ok, but pat-downs too far.

Lord Shani to Guard Bank With No Locks in Doorless Town

The first bank with no locks on its doors has opened in the small village of Shani Shinganapur in the Ahmednagar district of India. The village is presided over by the Hindu celestial being Shani, the Lord of Saturday, who is known for inflicting harm on thiefs and betrayors. Although there are no doors on the houses, there has not been a theft or robbery in the village in the recent past. Apparently, residents and pilgrimagers are fearful of envoking the wraith of a four-armed man riding a golden crow while wielding a septor and a flower. The deity may have been successful in protecting trinkets and clothing, but let's see if his influence holds up against the lure of cold hard cash.

Man Tattoos Halloween Costume on Face to Wear Year Round

In an article about pushing boundaries, Cathy Horyn of the Times begins by gloating about how her real estate investor friend and his doctor wife are raising children in Connecticut without a television.

Then she reports about how fashion designers are pushing the envelope by using transgender models and albinos in their shows.

Another loosly related example of this zeigeist to revolt against dullness is Nicola Formichetti. He has been photgraphing Rick Genest (aka Zombie Boy), whom he found on Facebook. Formichetti, who styles Lady Gaga, declares Zombie Boy to be his muse.

So will people be more likely to buy an article of clothing because it looks flattering on a dead person?

The article reads more like a list of who the reporter ran into that week and ends with the all important question of whether children of the future will take pills to make their flesh blue. Of course they will. The real question is how it will affect racism.

House of God Trespassed by Horny, Penny-Stealing Burger Lover with No Internet Connection at Home

The New Creation Church in Montgomery County, Maryland was burglarized this weekend. The culprit defrosted and ate a hamburger, looked at some pornography on the church computer, which was left on the screen, then took 40,000 pennies that had been collected for a children's charity.

"People just don't have the same respect for churches that they used to," said pastor Ella Redfield.

The church has been burglarized 3 times in the past year. Not only are the intruders not fearful of the wraith of God, but apparently they don't think much of their local police force as they were in no hurry to flee the premises. It takes a while to defrost a burger, and how horny do you have to be to rub one out in a church?

Sad and Disgusting Links

• Woman has live bug up her butt (in her colon actually).
  
• Houstonians can swim in a sea of beef fat.
  
• 1,082 Facebook friends ignore suicide note.

Body of Christ/Hep A

Churchgoers at Our Lady of Lourdes Church in Massapequa were given an extra treat during communion this Sunday. The wafers, which were transubstantiated into the actual body of Christ, were infected with hepatitis A. This spurs endless questions of about vaccinations in heaven. Also, if the son of god can cause flu-like symptoms, nausea, and the runs, then what chance do we have of staying healthy this winter?