Greek Man Proves Modern Science Riddled With Errors/Probably Won't Extend Life

An article in The Atlantic reports on Dr. John Ioannidis's attempts to meta-analyze clinical trial results. He found that 80% of non-randomized trials, 25% of gold-standard randomized trials, and 25% of platinum-standard trials are simply wrong. Even more alarming is the medical community's tendency to cite these trials long after they are proven wrong.

Results are often tainted by pharmaceutical companies' data manipulation, grant-seeking researchers' need to publish sensational findings, and a flawed peer review process.

"That we're not routinely made seriously ill by this shortfall," he argues, "is due largely to the fact that most medical interventions and advice don't address life-and-death situations, but rather aim to leave us marginally healthier or less unhealthy, so we usually neither gain nor risk all that much."

"Science is a noble endeavor but it's a low yield endeavor," he says. "I'm not sure that more than a very small percentage of medical research is ever likely to lead to major improvements in clinical outcomes and quality of life. We should be very comfortable with this fact."

That said, we are still not snubbing our noses at Zanax on long flights and heart surgery if the need arises.

Who did this guy blow?

When we moved to Brooklyn, we didn't get so much as a fruit basket. But if you're a Manhattan literary agent and you cross the river, it's suddenly a trend that the Times must cover. Just ask the guy if he'll be taking on any new Brooklyn writers or if he'll still be hawking the same cookbooks and journalists' crime mysteries that he was pushing in Manhattan.

Phil Collins Can't Play Drums/Wipe Own Ass Anymore

The "easy lover" of the 80s and reclusive thrice-divorced populizer of the widow's peak gave a rare interview from his home in Switzerland. A back injury has left him unable to play the drums or wipe his own bum, but Collins fills his time caring for his sons, contemplating suicide, and looking over pictures of aliens that he took in Texas.

"I sometimes think I'm going to write this Phil Collins character out of the story," the singer cryptically remarked. "Phil Collins will just disappear or be murdered in some hotel bedroom, and people will say, 'What happened to Phil?' And the answer will be, 'He got murdered, but, yeah, anyway, let's carry on.' That kind of thing."

"I wouldn't blow my head off," he says later. "I'd overdose or do something that didn't hurt. But I wouldn't do that to the children. A comedian who committed suicide in the sixties left a note saying,'Too many things went wrong too often.' I often think about that."

Good to know the composer of some of the most popular wedding songs of the 80s is still continuing to spread joy to the world.

Tasteful, Arty Titty Show at Sugar Lounge

The Sugar Lounge at 47 Columbia Street is now hosting burlesque nights the first Saturday of every month. Their second show last night was hosted by a Sarah Palin look-a-like gearing up for the campaign trail in "oh twelve." The show featured the kind of talented, arty, naked women that men are allowed to gawk at without getting in trouble with their girlfriends, including a flaming hula hoop dancer.

After the show, amateur voyeurs are welcome to come up on stage and do awkward karaoke-strip dancing. There is no cover charge so expect the requisite amount of horny men too cheap to go to a strip club, nursing beers while glaring at pasty-covered cleavage.

Since the Slipper Room closed for major renovation in June, dancers have been left scouring the city in search of regular gigs and often taking it on the road. Last night's troupe was previously booked then cancelled at Building on Bond. Perhaps the Boerum Hill mommy patrons found it too smutty.

Hopefully, they've found a new long-term home on the Columbia Waterfront District—though with the new über playground down the street, we wouldn't be surprised if some Giuliani-era zoning law made it illegal to show flaming boobies within a quarter mile of Brooklyn's golden children. Enjoy it while it lasts.

Grandchildren May Die of Mortification/Envy of Swinging Grandma

Carol Bone, a 62-year-old grandmother, claims to have banged 200 men in the past 2 years, despite arthritis and back pain. After splitting up with her long-term partner, she joined 13 different dating websites. She prefers her partners to be "in their 30s or 40s, and she also likes sex parties and meeting couples." She has no interest in anything more than a casual relationship and often kicks her studs out of bed after she's through. None of her partners could be reached for comment. Click through for a picture. Warning: may lose libido.