Park Sloper Manages to Feed Self Without Aid of Wait Staff While Haitians Eat Mud

An editorial assistant in Park Slope somehow survived 2 years without eating in a restaurant. She achieved this miraculous feat with just $55,000, a kitchen that she shared with 2 roommates, and access to nearby supermarkets. She wrote a book about her harrowing ordeal.

In the same period of time, it was reported that those whiny Haitians were feasting on virtually endless amounts of high-grade dirt and water.

New Plane Named After Most Famous Crashed Plane

In what's either a genius or an idiotic marketing move, Richard Branson, owner of Virgin Atlantic, has named his new underwater plane, perhaps unwittingly, after Lost's Oceanic Airlines. Passengers who can pony up $300,000 for a week's vacation in the British Virgin Islands will have the option of plunking down another $25,000 to submerge to the depth of 100 feet with a 360-degree view. Good luck if you have to sit next to Hurley though.