McDonald's Cleanest Place to Eat in Carroll Gardens/Cobble Hill

The New York City Department of Health and Hygiene's Restaurant Inspection Information site in now up and running. You can search by area code, name, borough, or cuisine.

Fancy Smith Street eateries like The Grocery have 12 violations for: "Evidence of mice or live mice present in facility's food and/or non-food areas. Food not protected from potential source of contamination during storage, preparation, transportation, display or service. Facility not vermin proof. Harborage or conditions conducive to vermin exist." Meanwhile, on the fringe of the Gowanus Cannal, the McDonald's under the BQE has no violations. Few restaurants escape with no violations whatsoever, but the recently opened Fultummy's "Lighting inadequate. Bulb not shielded or shatterproof," is far better than evidence of mice and roaches at Zaytoon's. Bino (formerly Po) is oddly absent from the list, perhaps due to confusion resulting from its recent name change.

All restaurants will be given grades of A, B, or C. Those who receive a B or a C grade will be given several weeks to make upgrades. Let the class wars between high-end roach factories and tidy cheap eats begin.

While McDonald's may be cleaner, you still cannot be sure your meal will not cause a multitude of health-related problems and, sadly, you still cannot rap your order.

Yes, in America it is Possible to Die of Too Many Possessions

In Skokie, Illinois, the body of an 82-year-old woman had to be extracted from a hole in her roof as debris was piled within 3 feet of the ceiling. The woman lived with her 54-year-old daughter who was found just inside the front door on a large mound of garbage that police were unable to get beyond. Cause of death is not yet known, though it's speculated she may have died from heat exhaustion. The deceased had recently been to a doctor and was in good physical heath. The residents are said to have moved around the house by climbing through a system of tunnels through the debris. The house has been condemned as unsafe for occupation. Shortly after it was closed, some Williamsburg hipsters were spotted prowling the area for kitschy late 80s t-shirts and hard-to-find trucker hats.

Cerberus Born, Apocalypse to Begin Early

Though not a dog, the two headed cow born in Egypt certainly gives the doomsday watchers something to cheer about. The creature's resemblance to the Hounds of Hades, notwithstanding, millions of people continued to make long-term investments and plan for a future that Zeus has clearly decreed will never come.

Scrawny Hippy Weds Obese Pack Rat in Effort to Save Planet

A Spokane, Washington couple will be paying for their wedding with 4,000 recycled cans, half of which were donated by various companies. The idea came to recently laid-off Andrea Parrish one sleepless night while she was worrying about how they'd manage to put away $500 a month. It took just over 6 months to accumulate enough cans for a budgeted bash. The $3,800 celebration will include potluck dishes brought by guests, home-brewed beer, and flowers grown by the bride's sister-in-law. For the average panhander to acquire that sum it would require them to rifle through trash at a rate of one can every 40 seconds 24 hours a day for 6 straight months.

The well-intentioned couple are certainly to be applauded for their efforts, except of course by their neighbors who have likely seen an increase in the rat population as the ton of alumium collected on their porch. The couple continues to collect cans to raise money for their honeymoon as well as Doctors Without Boarders and a local land conservation/holistic institute.