Thursday, August 27, 2009

Now hiring "Expert Gays"

"Are you the Facebook generation's Suze Orman, Rachael Ray or Nate Berkus? Do you have lots of opinions and expertise to share in a particular genre?" begins a craigslist ad contender for worst of the year.


"We want a vibrant personality with an ANGLE. Like the 27-year-old Harvard grad housewife married to a rocker, who wants to be the young, alternative Martha Stewart." Yes, and this Harvard grad married to a rocker wants to work for a pittance and free handbags.


At least they've set their qualifications high:

"YOU COULD BE ...

  • Interior design for teeny tiny apartments (on a budget)
  • Travel - with a twist (the twist is up to you)
  • Fashionista life coach
  • gay"


Oh, so I can either have some quirky skill, or just enjoy man on man anal sex. In lieu of a resume, should I just send you a picture of me giving another man a reach-around.

This part doesn't even make sense:

"A great attitude and a wicked sense of humor are crucial, or you'll hate us. And hating us would sort of making working with us a big pile of suck, which violates our principles."

Indeed, hating you would sort of "making working" with you a big pile of suck. Presumably, the PR person cranked up on amphetamines who wrote this started to crash at this point. Oh, but wait, she bounces back when it comes to the specifics of the job.

"Ability to write really, really good - PSYCH! We meant 'well.' Obviously we were just testing you, sucka."

Ah, you got me there, crazy lady. Yes, I look forward to working for you and getting schizophrenic, ALL CAPS emails from you all day long.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Best Place to Get an Inexpensive Steak in late 80s Mobster Luxury


Embers, 9519 Third Avenue (between 95th and 96th Street), Fort Hamilton
Its mirrored dining room looks like Alice’s Restaurant and a Barbizon studio had a love child, but the charred on the outside pink on the inside cuts of meat are right on the heels of Peter Luger’s. The 25-year-old restaurant lies in the shadow of the Staten Island Bridge and adjacent to a 53-year old butcher shop of the same owner, where the finest cuts of beef were reserved for Embers' notorious patrons. The now closed butcher shop serves as part of the kitchen, and the owner still waxes nostalgic about the days when Brooklyn’s most feared filled the two dining rooms and he didn’t have to take credits cards. The T-bone for 2 at $40 is half what you’ll pay at Luger’s and it will leave you bursting at the seams and every bit as meat drunk. It comes with broccoli and a delectable potato cake stuffed with prosciutto and mozzarella. Be sure to request the au poivre sauce, the best in Brooklyn and worth a 30-minute ride on R train. Select any of the very reasonable wines under $25 and save your money for a much-needed cab ride home.